Searching for a wedding dress is a pleasure that can turn into a problem at any moment: in addition to the complex organization of the celebration, brides are pressured by the need to find “the same, unique, perfect” dress. The choice is incredibly large and it becomes even more difficult if you want to find something extraordinary, which will delight the eye even ten days later in the photos in the family album. Digital Director of Esquire Nastya Poletaeva described in detail all the dilemmas that a modern bride faces.

When The Blueprint asked me to write “a text on the complexities of choosing a dress for the modern bride,” I reviewed all the saved photos and boards on Pinterest, which I had collected for my upcoming wedding. I reread the notes. I went to the Instagram of all the wedding brands I like. I discussed this with my psychologist twice. And I realized that no matter how I played it, the text about the choice of the very Dress turns into a novel of upbringing – in which the mysterious Russian soul must find a compromise between family traditions and the achievements of feminism.

My fiance made me an incredibly romantic proposal in Portugal, and a month later, when we returned to Moscow, it was necessary, in an amicable way, to start preparing for Day X. At least that’s what everyone around us told us. We even found a wedding Property in Kicukiro producer. At our first and last meeting, she chirped: “You know, now they make such hoops for skirts – very light! And in dresses on the floor it is not at all hot, the corset does not press, in fact – even in the heat it will be very comfortable. Have you already thought what will be your first dance? ” I listened in horror. I realized that I was completely unprepared for everything that begins after you answer “Yes”. At school we were not prepared for this.

A holiday with tears.

Preparing for a ceremony is not only a clash of expectations with reality, but also a clash of the Bride and Groom Dream Wedding and the Dream Wedding as their relatives imagine it. This is a territory of scandals and manipulation, where it is very difficult to defend one’s case. Especially if someone – in this case me – never had any dream wedding. Even cool Lina Dunham, who gave us the Girls TV series and the right to be infantile, had such a dream – and she wrote the story “Imaginary Bride” about her. In it, she tells how, as a child, she wanted to be a princess bride, then an anime bride, then decided to boycott the idea of ​​marriage until gay weddings are allowed in the United States. And along the way, he mentions what her mother thinks about the wedding ceremony: “Her opinion about the wedding was very similar to what I think about sex in public: enjoy the process, but do everything quickly – and try to avoid being noticed. “. So, here I am in full solidarity with Lina Dunham’s mom.

In a traditional wedding, I don’t like everything – from the deliberate theatricality of what is happening to the controversial and at the same time generally accepted aesthetic decisions. Why do all these cool people wear uncomfortable dresses and suits in which it is impossible even to breathe, and go for walks in them under the scorching sun? Why do you need to do a hairstyle that you never had, although if you like it so much, you could do it every single day? Why are we so carefully collecting aesthetic bouquets for the living room and looking for beautiful places to travel, and wedding banquets are mostly fantastically ugly and fantastically ruinous? Who came up with all these wedding customs, including launching pigeons, a separate table for the bride and groom (they call it the presidium!), Racing radio-controlled cars and planting a family tree? And is it possible, observing all these rituals, to hold a wedding – for yourself? I dont know.

All I know is that it is not the wall of your taste that separates the stunning images from Pinterest from the screenshots from the movie “Bitter”, but the double line of your resilience and ability to negotiate. However, sometimes it makes sense to hide behind the broad back of a specialist. The guys from the House Wedding Aesthetics team in Chelyabinsk, whose elegantly decorated weddings are able to plug many expensive Moscow ceremonies into their belts, say that they always invite the couple to trust themselves and the professionals – and after that the bride and groom often come to a meeting together, without relatives. “It’s much easier to hear yourself this way: a diverse opinion from the outside is always distracting. Moreover, if people were at the wedding for the last time 5-10 years ago and are not immersed in this sphere with their heads. If suddenly the couple’s parents are still determined to intervene, then we always recommend that the couple seek compromises through a team of professionals. And if some tradition is very important for the family as a whole, then we always try to adapt it aesthetically to the rest of the idea and concept of the wedding. “

Personally, I was saved from a nervous breakdown, a dress with a corset and an expensive wedding, which I don’t like at all, was saved by quarantine, which postponed our ceremony for the next year. After four months of self-isolation, I found time to think about why, even now, in the age of victorious feminism, LGBTQ marriages, and growing skepticism about traditions – the wedding is still sacred and frightening as a sacrifice. I did not find the answer to this question, but I realized that the organization of the wedding, like the irreparable injury according to Kubler-Ross, will have to be accepted gradually, stage by stage. First, figure out what kind of wedding you want (and whether you want). Make sure everything goes according to plan (yours, not someone else’s). You will understand how you will feel in a particular wedding look (and whether you need it). You will find where to buy or order the dress of your dreams (be it a corset and train, a suit, or jeans, or a wedding jumpsuit). Then breathe out – and try to enjoy getting ready for the cool party.

In the spotlight.

The dress is the epicenter of the perfect storm that the “perfect wedding” inevitably turns into. As is often the case with items that have been endowed with almost magical properties for years, the bride’s dress from clothing has become a symbol of just about everything. The drama of the first full-length Sex and the City is built around this: if you remember, Carrie Bradshaw was going to marry Mr. Big in a cute vintage suit, but under pressure from the organizer and her friends she changed it to a fluffy, almost ball gown Vivienne Westwood. And then the scale of the celebration expanded – so much so that the groom’s nerves were already not very strong. And although for six seasons we watched Carrie as a wayward freedom-loving girl with her own opinion and extravagant taste, even she coped with pre-wedding pressure (a term much more important than “pre-wedding rush”, in my opinion) only on the second try.

“Sex and the City”

Non-fictional, wayward and freedom-loving girls also cannot do without difficulties. This is how Leandra Medine, the disgraced founder of the ironic blog Man Repeller, recalls the agony of searching: “I was 23 years old and lived with my parents; in fact, the whole wedding was a party that my parents had for themselves, but I had to be the guest of honor at it. I was not given a single task in the preparation process, but I kindly agreed to find a dress. Nothing more was required of me. Two weeks before the wedding, Mom came into my room with a thick folder that read “Leandra’s Wedding” and asked when she could see my dress. I had a pretty good idea of ​​what I wanted: something delicate, with a light top and an explosion of layers of tulle down to mid-thigh. From above, I was going to put on a leather jacket. A flower crown was also planned (it was 2012! It looked fresh then!) And lots of gold necklaces. But technically I didn’t have a dress yet. I told my mom about this, who just threw her folder at me, so the papers flew around the room: “Great! You’re doing great with your wedding.”

The fact that my dress will not be long, will not be just a wedding and very likely will not even be white, I realized pretty quickly. At the same time, I thought that it would be great if such an important outfit reflected me as a person. And as a person, I love feathers, sequins, overly high heels and deep necklines, I love the aesthetics of decadence and girls who wear fur coats over evening dresses with a slit in the summer. By the way, my mother married my father in a dress that resembled a ballet tutu, which she sewed from 100 meters of nylon bows, which were scarce in the USSR, and decorated with swan fluff: they barely agreed to let her into the church in this form in 1991. Oranges will not be born from aspen.

I also understood that my grandmothers and grandmothers of my future husband could take my views on beauty without delight, so I was also looking for some slightly calmer option for the official part. I have nothing against traditional elegance, if they do not try to pass off as it the organza embroidered with flowers, self-propagating in bridal salons. However, there is hope that this dominance will not last forever. After all, demand creates supply, and this demand is changing right before our eyes.